Jumat, 06 Juli 2012

Parents whose lives revolve around their children damage their health

Parents whose lives revolve around their children damage their health

By Tamara Cohen

PUBLISHED: 10:08 EST, 6 July 2012 | UPDATED: 19:54 EST, 6 July 2012

Parenthood is supposed to  be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences.
But mothers whose lives revolve around their children may be more likely to suffer from depression, according to a study.

American researchers questioned 181 women with children under five and found ‘intensive mothering’ damaged their  mental health.

The trend for mothers in particular to  be extremely involved in their child’s  every experience is known as ‘helicopter parenting’, with psychologists saying it leaves children fragile and unable to  cope with life’s experiences.

The researchers said the women who showed symptoms of depression were far more likely to endorse intensive parenting

The researchers said the women who showed symptoms of depression were far more likely to endorse intensive parenting

The researchers defined intensive mothering as women who believe they make better parents than men, that mothering should  revolve around the child’s needs â€" who should also always be intellectually stimulated â€" and that  children should be seen as  ‘sacred, delightful and fulfilling’ by their parents.

The researchers, from the University of Mary Washington, Virginia, said this obsession with being perfect is common to many middle-class parents and may be making them miserable.

The women, aged 18 to 49, were mostly middle-class and married or in long-term relationships.

They were asked a series of questions designed to identify their parenting style.

Women who believed mothers were the most important parents and were reluctant to let others help them care for their child were found to be less satisfied with their lives, while those who saw parenting as a challenge requiring specialist knowledge and skills were more likely to be stressed and depressed.

Nearly one in four of the women displayed signs of depression, even after taking into account the  support new mothers receive  from their family â€" which is thought to have an important effect on mental health.

Most of the mothers worked, although ‘intensive mothers’ often said parenting was more stressful than a job. Lead author Kathryn Rizzo said the study found it was some women’s approach to parenting that caused them problems.

The authors of the study, which has been published online in the Journal of Child and Family  Studies, said: ‘If intensive mothering is related to so many negative mental health outcomes, why do women do it?

‘They may think that it makes them better mothers, so they are willing to sacrifice their own mental health to enhance their children’s cognitive, social and emotional outcomes.

‘In reality, intensive parenting may have the opposite effect on children from what parents intend.’

Helicopter parents have been blamed for stopping their offspring enjoying childhood by scheduling hours of extra-curricular activities. Some even attend their child’s freshers’ week at university.

PREGNANT AGAIN, THE MUM HAPPILY HOVERING OVER A FAMILY OF ELEVEN CHILDREN

She already has 11 children in her brood and refuses to claim any extra benefits from the state.

So perhaps Tania Sullivan thought feeding one extra mouth wouldn’t make much difference â€" or she simply wanted a nice round dozen.

Because the married supermum has revealed that, only eight months after giving birth to twins, she is pregnant again.

Mrs Sullivan, 37, said: ‘Everybody was thrilled to find out another baby was on the way.’

Mrs Sullivan and husband Mike, 39, live on his joiner’s salary  of £34,000, supported by tax  credits and child benefit of around £617 a month.

She runs a successful website and has written two books about life with a larger family. The self-reliant mother also home-schools seven of the children.


Proud parents: Tania Sullivan and husband Mike with their 11-strong family at their hom in Hoo, Kent

Proud parents: Tania Sullivan and husband Mike with their 11-strong family at their hom in Hoo, Kent



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The most important sentence in this article is 'most of the mothers worked'. Unfortunately governments will always prefer to preside over double the number of working, taxpaying people than half the number. It is simple maths. It makes them richer and more powerful on the world stage to rule over more workers. So they encourage women to work, regardless of the effects on the family and on society. Women are brainwashed into thinking that a 'career' (ie spending your valuable time making profits for your boss) is somehow more attractive than raising your own flesh and blood. And then we must all walk streets which are full of angry teenagers, raised on a diet of processed food by busy parents who were never fully there for them. I am very pleased that women can choose to have a career or a family. That is a great leap forward. But making people think they can (or worse, should) have both? Pure evil and greed.

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The parents, or mothers, who intensely-parent their children, for whatever reason, are not usually appreciated anyway. They tend to turn off their children.

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Lol tuahail, Liverpool 0:47 a US university did the research so if it didn't state the background we can assume they are US parents, they don't mention specific eras so we can assume it is current. The article mentions middle class married families giving us further information - so they mostly aren't single parents. It is about western middle class families today, just because they are in a minority in the world it doesn't mean they shouldn't be mentioned in a US study or British online article without balance from pre-war or non-western families. Please read the article properly.

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Maybe the women are depressed because their husbands are not helping out so they have to do everything. My husband is a great 'fun' dad but rubbish at the basics, getting our son up, dressed, to school, making sure he eats 3 decent meals a day, getting him to bed at a reasonable hour, not letting him eat loads of junk food or play computer games for hours (our son is 4). It has pushed me to be over concerned about our son as I am doing the worrying for two! To be honest it works fine for us as I make sure I take time out to myself and don't push our son - after school he chills out and plays by himself with toys, watches a bit of TV or goes to the park, I don't hover around and play with him.

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I'm not a helicopter parent but I do my job. Sometimes I do wonder where I've gone...

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I think it's all about balance--Motherhood is rewarding and brutal at the same time, but every Mother needs a balance in her life--a break on a regular basis, a hobby, some time to herself. There's still guilt attached to a Mom saying "I have a life outside of my children, I am still a person with needs." and it's easy to become obsessive and spread too thin. I'm a Mother first and foremost...but I'm still a human being.

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Seems like the 'scientists' set out to proove something negative about mums, and succeeded. Not sure what the value of this research is though. I like being a mum and devoting time to my kid, so does my partner - that's why we had him in the first place. Does not mean he is spoilt, just loved.

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This report looks like garbage. Firstly, it's about Western mothers and Western mothers are a minority of all the world's mothers. It doesn't say whether they're single mothers or not - this would be significant. If we compare modern Western mothers with pre-war Western mothers or non-Western mothers we find a very different social environment. Children are unable to run free with their friends. Mothers are quite isolated from other mothers and all the support that comes with the traditional community. Technology has played a big role in this isolation. The washing machine, the cooker and the car have meant that things women always did together they now do in isolation. Humans, especially women, are social animals. Isolation and the stress of Western living are likely the real causes of unhappiness and depression.

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"However, the fifth of women who had symptoms of depression were far more likely to endorse intensive parenting." ----So the study either shows that intensive parenting leads to stress and depression as the headline says, or more likely, that stressed and depressed mothers are more likely to 'make their child the centre of their world'. Hard to know which is chicken and which is egg, from this study...

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I made my children the centre of my world - years later now they are grown up I find myself really lonely as I have lost touch with my former friends. Yes, children are precious and important but don't make the same mistake as me and keep with your friends as well.

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