By Quentin Letts
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Guess who, or what, could save Rupert Murdoch and his allies from further torture at Westminster? Yep, the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR).
The ECHR has long been ridiculed by Mr Murdoch’s organs, but it could now save his pork chops. Westminster authorities fear that if MPs pursue their florid criticism of Mr Murdoch or if they haul underlings to ‘the bar of the House’ to be reprimanded by Speaker Bercow, Strasbourg could intervene.
As we have seen with Abu Qatada, the ECHR has pernickety demands about due process, legal representation, routes of appeal and lawyerly micro-print. These are a long day’s march from the brutal bog-washings of Westminster.
The ECHR has long been ridiculed by Mr Murdoch's organs
No European prosecutor would essay the ruderies our MPs inflict on committee witnesses. A line from Tom Watson (Lab, West Bromwich E) which called Mr Murdoch a Mafia leader, for instance, would give continental judges terrible collywobbles.
The low vaudeville of Westminster may be great sport, but Commons elders are concerned. They fear the lean-livered ECHR could prevent any theatrical shaming of Murdochites.
The custom of despatching the sword-wielding Serjeant at Arms into the alleyways and fleshpots of London to summon witnesses to Parliament might count as ‘wrongful arrest’ under human rights laws. The juicy prospect of having three Murdoch sidekicks quaking in front of a packed Commons while being upbraided by Squeaker Bercow is similarly problematic.
The ECHR could rule that, as Parliament is a ‘high court’, anyone called to appear there has the right to be represented by a barrister. As for locking anyone up in the cell in Big Ben’s clock tower, fuhgeddaboudit.
Commons authorities also remember what happened when the U.S.
Congress tried to shame George Galloway. He answered back and made Washington look silly. For that, and other reasons, we are unlikely to see any ‘calling to the bar’ on this occasion.
Dominic Raab (Con, Esher), a prominent Eurosceptic lawyer, sees ‘a legal mess’. He adds: ‘If the Human Rights Act interferes with our right to call citizens to the Commons for a ritual humiliation, the whole power of Parliament to subpoena witnesses and get them to tell the truth may be down the chute.’
Sartorial eye-popper of the week was in the House of Lords on Tuesday. Labour Chief Whip Lord Bassam, the former squatter known as ‘Lord Swampy’, languished in his seat, legs crossed. On his feet: a pair of red suede shoes.
That Silvio- what a wag!
Dog collar took on a literal sense at a literary party this week. The Very Rev Fr Julian Large, Provost of the Brompton Oratory, turned up with his pet Jack Russell, name of Ciccio (it means ‘fat little pudding’).
The party launched Life’s A Pitch, a Philip Delves Broughton book about salesmanship. The author, in his speech, described a recent encounter with Silvio Berlusconi. He asked the former Italian premier about his fondness for the laydees.
‘At least I not gay!’ exclaimed randy Silvio. ‘Not that I have anything against gays.’ With a sly chuckle he added: ‘Less competition for me!’
Ciccio: The Very Rev Fr Julian Large brought his Jack Russel
Delves Broughton deduced that Silvio was a classic salesman: charismatic, madly optimistic.
The anecdote was greeted with laughter at Heywood Hill bookshop, Mayfair. Ciccio joined in, barking loudly.
Fr Julian used to be one of my legmen when I ran a Fleet Street gossip column. He was one of the most adroitly indiscreet men in London. Now he takes confession from some of the toniest Catholics in Christendom.
Chartres belts out CV for the job
Hundreds attended St Paul’s cathedral on Wednesday for the 350th anniversary of the Book of Common Prayer. Prince Charles and Camilla were there, as was Terry Waite, Prunella ‘Sybil Fawlty’ Scales, who read a lesson in a superbly ginny voice, and the Archbishop of Canterbury (hurry while stocks last).
Richard Chartres, Bishop of London, gave a belter of a sermon which recalled a 17th-century writer’s words about ‘the meretricious gaudines s of the Church of Rome and the squalid sluttery of fanatic conventicles’. The latter was a swipe at low-Church evangelicals. What a pity Chartres is not thought to be in with a chance of succeeding Rowan Williams.
Prince Charles and Camilla proceed into St Paul's Cathedral in London for a service to commemorate the 350th annivesary of the Book of Common Prayer
Rousing hymns. The chapter in attendance. Organ music included Jongen, Bonnet and arg-Eler, all of whom could almost be Arsenal midfielders.
When the collection was taken, the Prince and his Duchess (in bottle green) were not spared. I saw Charles palm a decent wad into the basket. As for Camilla, from the flash of its colour I’d say she put in a £50 note. Good for her.
CAPITA, one of our more controversial private companies, has just run the following courses at the Commons for MPs’ staff: ‘Creative Problem Solving’, ‘Dealing With Challenging Behaviour’, ‘Influencing and Persuading Skills’ and ‘Performing Under Pressure’. Do we deduce that MPs are, to put it politely, demanding employers?
Groan men
There is a new habit at Westminster: mass groaning. It happened in the Commons when former Culture Secretary Ben Bradshaw (Lab) rose during an Urgent Question on Monday.
Poor Ben: Labour's Ben Bradshaw was met by a mass groan by the House
Squeaker Bercow: ‘Ben Bradshaw.’ Hon Members: ‘GROAN.’ Poor Ben. The same treatment was dished out, albeit less aggressively, to both Chris Bryant (Lab, Rhondda) and Louise Mensch (Con, Corby).
John Prescott: Cartoon by Gary for the Daily Mail
They were at it in the Lords, too. During a debate on proposed reforms to the House, ex-Lib Dem leader Paddy Ashdown kept leaping to his feet. Peers made plain their ennui. According to Hansard, the House went ‘Oh!’. The sound was actually closer to a ginormous ‘Ugh!’.
John Prescott was to have spoken at next month’s Yorkshire International Business Convention. The star guest will be the Dalai Lama. Alas, dimsum-scoffing Prescott has withdrawn. Why? Rumour has it he does not want to hurt his Chinese political connections by sharing a platform with Tibet’s exiled spiritual leader. I tried to check the matter with Lord Prescott this week but was told that he is no longer talking to me. A sensitive flower.
Strictly dancing
The musical Top Hat opens in the West End next week. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, who played in the original film, may have looked lovey-dovey on screen but once the cameras were off the warmth vanished. Is that happening again?
Top Hat: The 1935 film starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers was a box office hit
The Aldwych production features Tom Chambers and Summer Strallen. One backstage Bertie says: ‘Tom and Summer are decidedly wintry.’
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