By Leon Watson
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When the little angels can do no wrong it’s always a shock to hear a contrary view.
Which might explain why one in three mothers have fallen out with someone over how to raise their child.
Potty training is the most frequent cause of rows with behaviour, growth and a child’s eating and sleeping habits other touchy subjects.
According to a study, almost a quarter of mothers have argued with someone to the extent that they are no longer talking.
Key remarks that can trigger a row include ‘Aren’t they tall / short’ and ‘When my child was that age, they were already walking/talking’.
Other mothers have been criticised for giving their child a dummy and been questioned about whether their children are eating properly.
Psychologists say it can be difficult for parents to hear comments about their child’s development.
Not only does it raise concerns there might be something wrong, it could als o imply the mother isn’t doing a good enough job.
Emma Kenny, spokesman for Pull-Ups, the potty training experts who commissioned the study, said: ‘It’s important to remember that all youngsters develop at different speeds.
'For example, when it comes to potty training some children can be dry during the day at the age of two when others can be closer to four.’
As well as highlighting fall-outs, the study of 2,000 mothers also revealed mother-in-laws were the most common culprits for dishing out unwanted advice.
While some mothers said they were able to take the comments on the chin, one third admitted they got defensive whenever someone asked something about their child’s development.
One in three mothers has fallen out with someone amid a bust-up over how to raise her child - with their own mums or mother-in-law the main culprits, researchers have found.
Mother-in-laws are the main culprits when it comes to mothers having a bust-ups over how to raise their child
Ms Kenny added: 'For many mums it can be difficult to hear comments about how their child isn't doing something by a certain age, or isn't behaving in a certain way.
'Not only does it raise concerns that there might be something wrong, but it could also indirectly criticise the mother by implying that she isn't doing a good enough job.
'Many of the comments will often come from other people comparing the child to their own, or someone else's, but it's important to remember than all youngsters develop at different speeds.
The study surveyed 2,000 mothers and found comments or remarks made by close relatives, other mothers and even complete strangers are also common triggers
Some mothers have been told their child should be talking more than they were, criticised for giving them a dummy and questioned about whether their child was eating properly.
As well as highlighting the actual fall outs mothers are having, the study also revealed mother-in-laws are the most common culprits for dishing out unwanted advice.
While some mums said they were able to take the comments on the chin, one third admitted they get very defensive whenever someone says something about their child's development.
Over half of them (56 per cent) were left feeling down and upset by the remarks and some felt so troubled that they ended up speaking to a doctor or health visitor.
Emma Kenny added: 'When the time is right to start potty training, the key for parents is to be patient, to encourage their child and offer lots of praise and support.
'Parents shouldn't worry about off-the-cuff remarks as what is normal for one child might be completely different for another.'
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Health Visitors and GPS are just as bad by commenting on a child's development and having unnecessary tests and referrals and the only thing they achieve is anxious mothers who feel guilty.
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My mother-in-law bought my son his first pair of underpants at 9 months claiming all her children were potty trained and walking at that age. Perhaps that is why all her children are basket cases.
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Since becoming a mother I've been amazing at how many people without children are apparent experts in all things baby related. Of course I'm not pointing the finger at everyone without kids. But in my extended family (bless 'em!), the ones so quick to offer their unwanted (and very unhelpful) advice are those who haven't had kids. Drives me nuts sometimes.
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I ignored any such remarks when bringing up my kids. I have passed young parents in supermarkets or in town with their young children sucking on dummies. On several occasions, as I glanced at the child, I felt like the mum was on edge, almost waiting for a comment. I tend to offer a comment in those situations, said with a smile; "Brilliant invention, aren't they? Saved my sanity when I was bringing my own kids up". I only offer comments in a supportive way if harassed young parents look as if they are almost expecting a blow of criticism. My own kids achieved their milestones at different times, and I never compared them. They all DID achieve the skills they needed at the end of the day, and are all well developed young adults. It's not fair to raise anxiety in young parents by suggesting that their child may somehow be inferior by not fitting in with stereotyped expectations.
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Trouble is that children of three and four are still wearing nappies. Where do you draw the line?
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Criticism of the mother is likely THE reason such remarks are made.
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I can well believe this, whilst I have never fallen out with her my mother in laws constant remarks about how much my children look/act/talk/have the same personality as her or my partner had as a child you would be forgiven in thinking I had no part in the process of bearing my children...that is until they misbehave, then all of a sudden she is quick to point out they never had any of that on her side....ggggrrrrrr! People just generally have little or no self-awareness when it comes to parenting and giving advice in my view, best to try and ignore them...however hard that may be sometimes!!
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excuse me for being American LOL but what 's a dummy? a pacifier?
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Our advice to all of our kids, though right now only one has children (7 in fact) is 'make your own traditions'. Don't ever feel you must attend any holiday event (Christmas etc.) because your parents on either side want it. Make your own traditions. Let your children have their own memories of what you, their parents, did on those days. And then give them the freedom to go on and make their own traditions. If you love them, truly love them, then you don't even need to be told to let them go.
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I'm 14 and my Mum never gave me a dummy, she said her and Granny's theory was that if the child cried something was wrong, so fix it or entertain the child - don't shut them up. I'd like to think I'll do the same with my child.
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