By The Inspector
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Rating: 
If you’re walking the Southern Upland Way or just on a leisurely hiking break through some of the most glorious countryside in Britain, then a night at the Tweeddale Arms in Gifford, East Lothian, will do nicely.
If you’re down from Edinburgh or up from London in search of fancy food in a ‘restaurant with rooms’ with Farrow Ball paint and Lebanese wines, then you’re in trouble.
This is a no-frills reminder of simpler times. My spacious, sparse room has a lonely full-length mirror on the wall; there is no shampoo or conditioner in the en-suite and the bath takes 25 minutes to fill.
Simple stay: The Tweeddale Arms Hotel is 'a no-frills reminder of simpler times'
There’s a touch of colour in the curtains and the bedspread â€" and an infuriating modern flourish in the form of bedside lamps that turn on and off when tapped, hard.
‘A pint for me and a glass of Babycham or the lady,’ would not sound out of place. I almost expect to see ‘melon boat’ as a starter.
There is shrimp cocktail, however â€" and it is delicious. And then I go for Balmoral chicken breast stuffed with local award-winning haggis in a light Drambuie cream sauce.
If this sickly confection is light, heaven help you when the heavy brigade’s in town.
The young waitress rushes back and forth from the kitchen, even though I’m the only one eating. I think she’s doing the cooking (or microwaving) as well. But I like her no-nonsense approach.
Picturesque: The village of Gifford has links with the American Declaration of Independence
I make a couple of attempts at small talk and even try a little humour, but they go nowhere. It’s strictly bring-your-own atmosphere, despite the best efforts of Lionel Richie, Rod Stewart and Wings.
There’s not much life in the mattress or pillows either, but two people sharing a room can get dinner, bed and breakfast, including booze, for less than £100.
And you’re in lovely Gifford, 25 miles from Edinburgh, with a splendid post-Reformation white-washed kirk, where James Witherspoon was installed as minister in 1720. It was his son John who signed the American Declaration of Independence.
If you continue south for a few miles, you’re in the Lammermuir Hills, with their heather moors, chatty streams and roaming sheep. The full Scottish breakfast at the Tweeddale is a triumph.
I’m not looking forward to the coffee, but then I notice a super-duper Italian machine on the bar. It’s double espressos all round, thank you very much.
Anyone making remarks about this inn being in a Seventies time-warp should, as the Flower Of Scotland anthem tells us, be ‘sent homeward tae think again’.
Travel Facts
The Tweeddale Arms Hotel
Gifford
East Lothian
EH41 4QU
01620 810 240
Doubles from £65 BB
Rating:
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