Rabu, 13 Juni 2012

From 'sacred underwear' to Victoria's Secret: The devout Mormon woman who chose love over faith when her husband became an atheist

From 'sacred underwear' to Victoria's Secret: The devout Mormon woman who chose love over faith when her husband became an atheist

By Victoria Wellman

PUBLISHED: 13:33 EST, 12 June 2012 | UPDATED: 01:46 EST, 13 June 2012

Maren Stephenson, 27, was a devoted Mormon wife and mother in Utah who imagined a life of faithful service to the Church and an eternity spent with her husband of eight years, Sean.

And then, out of the blue one night, Sean shook her world by turning to her in bed and telling her that he no longer believed in God.

Shocked to the core by his confession, Maren's life was turned upside down as she vacillated between bitterness, confusion and anger until finally her own belief system came crumbling down too.

True love: Maren and Sean Stephenson were followers of the Mormon faith until Sean stopped believing and Maren was forced to reevaluate (posed by models)

True love: Maren and Sean Stephenson were followers of the Mormon faith until Sean stopped believing and Maren was forced to reevaluate (posed by models)

Maren and Sean Stephenson had married at the tender age of 19 at a temple in Portland, Oregon while still students at the Mormon-affiliated university of Brigham Young in Utah.

Their friends and family all belonged to the Church of Latter Day Saints and Maren's running partners' husbands held senior posts within the Church hierarchy.

When Sean broke from the faith, his wife's initial response was instinctual and loyal to their love of each other. 

He was after all the man who had pulled out of the depths of depression that she had suffered since turning 15 and about which she still blogs.

'You are more important to me than the Church,' she had told him, as she recalled in Salon.

But that certainty very quickly disintegrated within the next few weeks and their relationship became impersonal and distant.

Maren began to worry what their friends in the Church would think and wonder why Sean had put her in the position of being caught between them and what they would surely see as a 'heathen family'.

'And all the while I couldn't stop thinking. Why, Sean? I didn't sign up for this. You promised me we'd spend eternity together, and now you might as well be gone,' she wrote.

Restrictive: When Sean stopped wearing his 'temple garments' Maren sought council from a friend who instead made her rethink the Church's motivations

Restrictive: When Sean stopped wearing his 'temple garments' Maren sought council from a friend who instead made her rethink the Church's motivations

Though Sean tried to be supportive by taking his wife and children to services, when he left half way through, Maren confessed she would cry in the bathroom just thinking about the word 'atheist'.

Unable to cope with her husband's dramatic changes in rituals and habits, when he stopped wearing his 'sacred underwear' and switched to boxers, she gave in and called a friend for support.

But instead of a comforting shoulder, Maren was bombarded with questions about Sean's sexual fantasies and what pornographic activities he was involved in that could have led him to such sin.

Knowing that Sean was a deeply intelligent and curious individual, Maren was shocked that her friend would not accept that his rejection came from a place of reason rather than because of his desire to disobey.

'I knew Sean was still a good person... The Church was wrong about him. What else might they be wrong about?'

'This started my brain twitching,' she remembered. 'I knew Sean was still a good person, that he still maintained the same moral standards he had when he married me. The Church was wrong about him. What else might they be wrong about?'

When Maren finally dared to join Sean in reading about the Mormon faith and Joseph Smith's polygamy, a Pandora's box of doubt and shame was opened.

'I sat there silent as he kept talking, a horror growing in my gut. I knew that if Sean was right, then Joseph Smith was a fraud. I saw no difference between his acts and the modern-day acts of Warren Jeffs, whom I abhorred.

And if Joseph Smith was a fraud - then what did that make the Church?' She questioned.

Over the ensuing few months, Maren experienced revelation after revelation about the way of life to which she had given her own, and she realised that leaving the Church would yield plenty of advantages like having time to themselves on wee kends and having more money.

The benefits also affected their relationship as married adults. She recalled: 'When I shed my garments for slippery Victoria Secret panties, my self-esteem skyrocketed, and our late nights shifted to other things.

'We were finally adults, taking our firsts together, learning about each other without barriers.'

Though it has only been seven months since Maren left God behind, she is still unsure of many things.

But the one thing that comforts her, she wrote in Salon, is that 'whatever happens, wherever we go, Sean will be at my side, holding my hand.'

Here's what other readers have said. Why not add your thoughts, or debate this issue live on our message boards.

The comments below have not been moderated.

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Good for them. We are all born free and have the right to make decisions about the path we choose. Be it a religious one or not.

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@Colin I appreciate we all have different points of view and experiences. When children are being told what to say by their parents during a church meeting ie) I KNOW the church is true. Is this not taking away free will? Is this not being TOLD what to say? How can young children who are barely able to speak or think for themselves KNOW it;s true. These poor kid's can't even pronounce the words they are being told to say. To me that is taking away freedom and subtle brainwashing from an early age. Repeating whispered promptings of other peoples opinions and repeating parrot fashion is simply not right. And what about the church saying avoid vain repetition? Do they make the rules up as they are going along? These kid's are saying the same thing month after month when giving 'their testimony'.

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- Open Eyes, London (possibly the most ironic user name to choose?) I believe for all of us time will run out. People are free to live their lives as they see fit. If your God DOES exist (and what KNOWLEDGE has He given us that He does???) then I was taught He is all forgiving. So even the most evil of people will be embraced with open arms into His heaven. Otherwise... surely he is not all forgiving and what I was taught as a child being raised as a Christian was untrue. Which is also a possibility. But why would a messenger of God (vicar/religious teachers) relay his messages wrongly..? I suppose it could happen. But I GENUINELY have open eyes. There may or may not be a God, I wouldn't mock those who believe and I think it wrong for believers to tell non-believers that they cannot pay for their sins if they don't believe. At the end of the day, as long as you are a good person, does it matter what and who you do and don't believe in?!

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I can't believe that a number of people making comments about their religious views are being red arrowed even though some of their comments seem very fair .......... I am not religious but I do not mock or disagree with those who are.

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Some try to evaluate the LDS Church by looking at it through only through the eyes of its defectors. Defectors always tell us more about themselves than about that from which they have departed.

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If you get married at 19 and think that your spouse isn't going to change in the next 70 years, you're in for a shock.

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Ministers of other faiths often wear unusual clothing in public (dog collars, etc), usually for 2 reasons. First to let others see who they are and second to remind themselves, on a day to day basis, of who they are who they represent and what they need to live up to. Mormons are not the only faith that chose to wear a sacred garment underneath their, clothing and out of public view. They wear it for the second reason..

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Religions are collections of fairy tales. Children grow up and stop believing in fairy tales. - Yukon Brat, Whitehorse, God is not Religion, he is a living Spirit who created all things and is also a moral judge who shows impartiallity to all whom he has created,you may choose to believe what you like, but when all is said and done and your eyes close in death you will have the enourmouse shock to discover yourself standing before your moral God requiring from you an explanation for the life you have lived, he has given you knowledge of him, he has given you freedom to choose him, he has provided you with food, and life, but you have lived your life the way you please so that you can satisfy your flesh and self, you cannot pay for your sins for the cost is too great, find out if Jesus ever lived, and if he did, examine who was he before you make your decision or your time on this earth runs out, for when it does you cannot undo it

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None of these practices acknowleged the true and living God, Our Lord Jesus, being a Mormon or an Atheist say she was never in a relationship with God anyway, I hope she reexamine her life and come to find truth that will lead to eternal life and not external exclusion.

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I have left the Jehovahs Witness faith after being in it my whole life, and understand the amount of brainwashing that goes on in these religions as I am almost 100% sure my family would chose their god over me. So happy she chose love and followed her heart, that is the most important thing in life.

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